In ontological coaching, we often say that humans are concernful beings. At first glance, this can sound like we’re saying we’re full of worries, and sometimes, that’s true. But the word concern actually points to something deeper.
Coming from the work of philosopher Martin Heidegger, concern refers to what truly matters to us - what we are, often unconsciously, trying to take care of in our lives.
In other words:
Much of what we do each day - how we speak, listen, decide, overwork, avoid, or push forward is shaped by the concerns that sit at the centre of our world.
Whether we’re aware of them or not, our concerns quietly organise our lives.
Why This Matters
Seeing ourselves as concernful beings has important implications:
We are always acting in service of something we care about
What we care about shapes how we listen and speak
Our concerns strongly influence our emotional patterns, stress, motivation, frustration or satisfaction
For many people, this shows up as:
Saying yes to too much because being reliable or respected matters (too much)
Feeling stuck or resentful when an important value isn’t being honoured
Chasing goals that look good on paper but feel draining in practice
What shapes our concerns, and what is important to us?
Personal and Family Stories
Each of us carries a personal and family story (often unexamined), about who we are, what’s expected of us, and what it takes to be “enough.”
These stories shape our preferences, standards, and assumptions. Over time, they form our core concerns: achievement, security, belonging, independence, care, success, or being seen as capable.
Because these stories feel familiar, we rarely question them, even when they no longer serve us.
Cultural and Historical Narratives
Our personal stories don’t exist in isolation. They’re shaped by broader cultural narratives about success, productivity, strength, gender roles, and responsibility.
Over years and decades, these collective stories teach us what should matter - often without us noticing.
Why Reflect on Concerns Now?
At the start of a new year, many people set resolutions or goals.
But goals are never neutral. They are always rooted in concerns.
If we don’t clarify what truly matters to us, we risk:
committing energy to things that drain us
repeating patterns that worked once but no longer fit
feeling busy without feeling focused
Greater intentionality doesn’t come from doing more.
It comes from aligning our commitments with what we genuinely care about.
Questions for Reflection
As you begin this year, you might explore:
Where have the concerns of others taken up too much space in your time, attention, or energy?
What has been the cost of this - emotionally, physically, or relationally?
What unobserved or unrecognised concerns might be driving your behaviour in ways that work against your current goals?
Is there a situation at work or at home that keeps bothering you? What important value or concern of yours may no longer be taken care of there?
If this is to be a year of greater focus and intentionality:
Clarity about our concerns allows us to choose more consciously, commit more honestly, and live with greater alignment.
Sometimes growth is not about setting new or more goals,
but rather noticing and changing what has been quietly driving our actions and priorities.
We often stay stuck or confused due to these competing and unrecognised concerns. As ontological coaches we are trained how to help uncover and shift them. If you are interested, please reach out.
Until next time,
Carine
