In my previous reflection, Listening to the Wisdom of the Body, I explored how many of us live as though we are primarily minds, thinking, analysing, planning, while our bodies sit quietly in the background, trying to get our attention.
I want to continue that inquiry by turning toward something even more foundational: the nervous system. Dr Margaret Nagib, a Clinical Psychologist from America, once said we can only live the life our nervous system allows us. That statement resonated so deeply with me!
During my ontological coaching studies I then learned that it is not only our posture, breath, and movement that shape our lives, it is the state of our nervous system that determines how we perceive the world, interpret events, and make meaning of what happens to us.
We don’t experience life directly. We experience it through our nervous system
Biologist Humberto Maturana made a profound claim: we don’t simply “take in” reality as it is. Rather, our experience of reality is shaped from the inside out.
In his words: We do not see things as they are. We see them according to how we are.
This is not just philosophy. It is a biological insight. Our nervous system is not a passive receiver of the world, it is an active organiser of experience.
This means that the world we experience is deeply influenced by what is happening inside us: our level of stress, safety, openness, tension, and regulation.
The same situation can feel completely different
We have all experienced this. On a given day, something feels manageable. On another day, the same thing feels overwhelming.
The situation hasn’t changed much, but we have. This becomes especially clear in moments of feedback or disagreement. Imagine someone gives you feedback at work.
If your nervous system is regulated, you are more likely to:
But if your nervous system is dysregulated, the exact same feedback can feel like an attack.
In that moment, the feedback itself isn’t the determining factor. Your capacity to receive it is.
The core implication: experience is shaped from the inside out
Maturana’s work points to something both humbling and empowering: We often mistake our experience for “the way things are.” But experience is shaped from the inside out, by the organisation and state of our nervous system.
This matters because it means:
awareness gives us choice
regulation expands perception
a calm nervous system literally allows more reality to appear
When we are regulated, we see more options. We hear more nuance. We can hold complexity. We can respond rather than react.
When we are dysregulated, our perception contracts. We become certain/rigid. We become urgent. We lose perspective. We interpret more things as threats. The world begins to feel smaller.
Why does this affects meaning and quality of life
Most modern stress does not threaten our physical survival. It threatens something more subtle, but equally powerful: Our concern for dignity, belonging, purpose and meaning.
When our nervous system is chronically dysregulated:
perception narrows
We cling to existing beliefs even in face of evidence to the contrary
meaning collapses into threat management
Life becomes less about living and more about coping.
But when our nervous system is regulated:
This is why the quality of our lives is not just about our circumstances. It is about the state of our nervous system through which life is lived.
A simple but radical practice
Instead of asking: What am I thinking? Rather ask: What is happening inside me right now?
Instead of asking: What is the problem? Rather ask: What state am I in as I meet this problem?
Because from the perspective of the nervous system, our inner state is not a side issue, it is the starting point.This is one of the most important forms of wisdom the body offers us:
Before we try to change our situations, we may need to change the state from which we are experiencing them.
*This article is based on material from Chapter 2, The Biology of Cognition in the Coaching to the Human Soul Volume III written by Alan Sieler
Until next time, Carine
