You’ve faced reality.
You’ve had the hard conversations.
You’ve declared: “This isn’t working.”
And yet… nothing seems to shift.
You might be wondering: Why do I still feel stuck?
Are you finding yourself fighting thoughts of what could have been different? Replaying what happened, what could have or should have happened?
Have you subtly (or not so subtly) checked out? Are you going through the motions, functioning on autopilot—doing what’s necessary but knowing deep down that it’s not the real answer?
We are emotional beings. We experience a range of emotions every day, and each of us has different capacities to process and manage those emotions. But there’s another, often overlooked, layer to our emotional world: background moods.
The Power of Background Moods
While we might notice specific emotions moment-to-moment, background moods are more subtle and long-lasting. They quietly shape our perspective—how we see the world, ourselves, and our situations. And when we’re stuck in a mood like resentment or resignation, it becomes difficult to move forward, even when we think we’ve done all the right things.
Let’s explore these two powerful, and often invisible, moods.
a Mood of Resentment: Holding On to What Should Have Been
If you resonated with those persistent thoughts of what could have been, you might be living in a mood of resentment.
Resentment often arises when we keep on resisting some facticity (something we can't change). It shows up in our internal dialogue and in the stories we tell ourselves and others. We replay events. We hold onto unmet expectations or perceived offences. And we try—again and again—to change something that simply is.
How do we move beyond resentment?
By accepting what we cannot change.
By choosing to forgive and let go.
Acceptance isn’t about giving up. In doing so, we make space for a new mood to emerge: Peace. Peace is a powerful place to move forward from.
a Mood of Resignation: Giving Up on What Could Be
If you recognised yourself in the description of being checked out and on autopilot, you might be living in a mood of resignation.
It often disguises itself as acceptance, but with one key difference: resignation includes the belief that nothing can change, or worse, that you don’t have what it takes to make change happen.
How do we move beyond resignation?
By simply accepting that change is possible.
By realising that we do have the capacity to pursue another solution or scenario.
When we shift from resignation to confident possibility, we begin to see opportunities where previously there were only dead ends.
Sidestepping resentment & resignation
Our moods are powerful predispositions for action. They often determine whether we stay stuck or step forward. Here are two questions you could use in moving forward.
To move from resentment to peace and acceptance:
To move from resignation to confident possibility:
With awareness comes choice. Happy sidestepping!
Until next time,
Carine
